Freakout! Stretch Panic Review

ARE YOU SERIOUS WHAT EVEN IS THIS GAME???? Well, I try to cover it. And it’s a struggle. It’s like an acid trip with bad controls. Clicky McClickface.

If there’s one thing that Midas don’t publish, it’s good games. I’ve got a bunch of PS2 games published by these guys, and all of them are just rubbish. All cheap and hacky, and very glitchy.

So here’s one to add to the star-sparkly collection of such classics as Pennyracers (AWFUL), Air Ranger: Rescue Helicopter (I’d rather brave it on the mountain) and Robot Warlords.

But Stretch Panic is a special kind of awful, because it isn’t AWFUL. You just know it’s bad. But how bad it is is kind of overshadowed by the fact that it’s just a MENTAL game.

Ignoring the overtones of sexism, this weird mechanic of pinching random women on their comically oversized breasts is actually kind of funny. I mean I was still giggling about it 15 minutes in, which is something really when it comes to breast jokes.

Honestly, with an actual story given to it (you’re expected to have read up on the story in the instruction book, cos the cutscene at the start makes no sense at all), some better-designed levels, controls and a camera that actually works, you’d have a half-decent game here. Maybe if you catch this one in a bargain bin, give it a go.

5/10

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