WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?
This is the first in my Seven Days of Scary series which I did for October. I didn’t really know what I was getting myself in for, although I should have guessed when I stupidly chose this awful game to kick off with.
Bubsy 3D is the game version of a cat sicking up a hairball that you don’t discover until you step in it. It’s ugly, slippy, and makes you feel like retching.
Around the time Bubsy 3D was released, we had Mario 64 and Crash Bandicoot – so the bar had been set pretty high. You’d maybe forgive the game for not reaching such heady heights as the big daddies of video entertainment if it weren’t so mind-shatteringly crap. Like, it doesn’t even try.
To start off with, the levels are an eyesore. Relying entirely on the novelty of 3D environments to be of any value, the levels are the same checkerboard design with a bunch of static enemies chucked in. Very few of the enemies move at all, or they might just wander around a very small space.
That’s another frustrating thing. Despite the fact that the enemies don’t really do much aside from look at you, it’s very easy to get hit by them just because controlling Bubsy is like trying to drive a forklift truck through tar when you’ve had 6 Jagerbombs (so, like that last stag do you went to).
The tank-style controls see you doing a lot of turning on the spot before you can think about going in the direction you want. It’s a strange choice of movement for a cat really, when you think about it.
But it’s the cat in question that might be the worst thing about this game. If you played the previous Bubsy games on the SNES you’d be used to Bubsy’s constant quips and puns. You might even find them endearing if you’re a mentalist.
But in Bubsy 3D, he just doesn’t stop. It’s pun this, quip that, any excuse to talk, any reason to make a daft noise. Honestly, I had a better time playing this with the sound turned off. I mean, the music is just the same 4 notes played over and over again anyway.
I tried really hard to think of a redeeming quality of this game. I can’t.